Frequently Asked Questions About Helping Your Partner and Yourself

Q: Whats different about the female in a relationship having ADHD, versus a male?

A: ADHD has traditionally been diagnosed more in men, but scientists have realized that it may be just as common often missed women. And in my support groups, I often have the most compassion for the men who are seeking help for their female partners with ADHD.

Why? Because in our culture, the conventional wisdom is that women are caretakers. Its normal for them to get their husbands to see the doctor, to notice health issues, to nag their husbands about excessive TV watching or sloppy habits. But the idea of a man encouraging his wife to see a doctor or a therapist, and complaining that shes messy, or that she lets old food collect in the fridge, or that she cant do laundry because she leaves the clothes in the washer and they get moldy? People look at him and think, a chauvinist pig! Youre mad that your wife is a bad housekeeper.

But hes not complaining for selfish reasons; hes genuinely concerned about his wifes habits and the effect its having on their marriage. A lot of these men are earning the money, working full time, and doing all of the chores, getting the kids to school, and paying the bills, because their wives cant manage. I knew one young father who got a job closer to home so he could visit at lunchtime to check and make sure his wife wasnt asleep while their toddler was Christian louboutin Outlet up.

Thats an extreme case, of course, But I think most men shy away from seeking they might see it as a sign of weakness that they cant handle the situation. So by the time I see a concerned husband at one of my support groups, I know his wife probably has pretty severe symptoms. Thats starting to change more recently, though, as women with ADHD who themselves have initiated the diagnosis are asking their partners to become educated.

Q: Can living with an ADHD person make you feel like you have a problem as well?

A: If Cheap fake oakleys you had a friend whom youd arranged to meet for lunch at 1, and you go to the restaurant and she never shows, and later she says, we say 1? No, I cheap oakley sunglasses outlet think we replica christian louboutin said 2, your immediate impulse is to think that maybe you were wrong. Living with someone who has ADHD is like that all the time: You second guess yourself, you lose sleep because of your partners irregular sleep patterns, you get frustrated with the lack of www.louboutinoutlet.biz organization and order, and youre constantly trying to put out fires set by your ADHD partner.

But then people say, take work; give it time; you need to compromise more, so you brush things off and give your partner the benefit of the doubt. But meanwhile, youre getting more and more turned around because of his or her habits. A lot of spouses I know joke that they have by osmosis.